How To Speak So Kids Listen - 5 Ways to Better Communication With Your Kids
3. Talk respectfully and not in a demeaning way
Just to get it out there, when things get stressful, and we are tired, we suck at communicating in love and not frustration. This article isn't meant to make you feel like a failure as a parent.
We all suck at communication sometimes.
So take this as a helpful suggestion, not a judgment.
It's easy in the heat of the moment to bark commands at your kids. I do it ALL the time. But I realize that when I do that, it affects the way they respond.
If I am kind and respectful in asking my child to do something, then his response is more respectful. If I am short and shrill will my demand, his response is disrespectful, and it takes us a while to get to his doing the task. He ends up in trouble, and I end up angry.
So I've realized that to save us the trouble, we do it right from the get-go, and doing it right starts with me.
4. Make sure your child is in the right state of mind when you communicate with them
Our older son, who is eight, and the two of us parents, have to sometimes sit down for some deep convo's. This usually happens when he has been having a hard time listening, obeying, or being disrespectful.
Sometimes it's just because we want to make sure he's okay because he seems a bit off.
Sometimes it's just because we want to show him we care about his feelings and emotions.
Whatever the conversation you have with your child, whether that's addressing behavior problems or asking them how they feel emotionally, make sure you are attentive to the state of mind they are in.
If my son is showing anger and frustration, I know it's probably not best to continue our conversation about his misbehavior. He needs a moment to cool down. I need a moment to cool down.
So I usually say, "why don't you take a minute in your room to figure out why you're feeling the way you're feeling, and then we can talk about it?"
This helps him to calm down and also to think about why he feels the way he feels.
MY LIFE JOURNALS are also a great activity to give them when they feel frustrated. It helps them navigate their feelings, and turn their minds to something positive, like what they're grateful for.
You know your kids more than anyone, so before you get into it, make sure they're in the right headspace, and also that YOU are as well.
Nothing good comes of you communicating out of anger.
5. Give them rewards when they follow through on something you asked them to do AND on something you didn't ask them to do.
The most glorious moments in parenting are sometimes as simple as your child doing something you ask them to do every day that they don't normally do.
For me, this was when my son started putting his backpack in the right spot after school.
Instead of throwing it in the middle of the living room, I showed him the place it belongs.
It took him a while to get this down, and sometimes he still forgets. But he knows that if he doesn't put his backpack in the right spot, he's lost 15 min of video game time from the weekend.
But when he DOES it, without me asking him, I reward him.
Make sure you are balancing consequences with rewards. A child who is continually being given consequences with no reward will VERY quickly feel defeated.
I'm not saying you should never give consequences. Just make sure you are also rewarding their good choices and follow through so they will correlate something positive to do it again next time.
Just to get it out there, when things get stressful, and we are tired, we suck at communicating in love and not frustration. This article isn't meant to make you feel like a failure as a parent.
We all suck at communication sometimes.
So take this as a helpful suggestion, not a judgment.
It's easy in the heat of the moment to bark commands at your kids. I do it ALL the time. But I realize that when I do that, it affects the way they respond.
If I am kind and respectful in asking my child to do something, then his response is more respectful. If I am short and shrill will my demand, his response is disrespectful, and it takes us a while to get to his doing the task. He ends up in trouble, and I end up angry.
So I've realized that to save us the trouble, we do it right from the get-go, and doing it right starts with me.
4. Make sure your child is in the right state of mind when you communicate with them
Our older son, who is eight, and the two of us parents, have to sometimes sit down for some deep convo's. This usually happens when he has been having a hard time listening, obeying, or being disrespectful.
Sometimes it's just because we want to make sure he's okay because he seems a bit off.
Sometimes it's just because we want to show him we care about his feelings and emotions.
Whatever the conversation you have with your child, whether that's addressing behavior problems or asking them how they feel emotionally, make sure you are attentive to the state of mind they are in.
If my son is showing anger and frustration, I know it's probably not best to continue our conversation about his misbehavior. He needs a moment to cool down. I need a moment to cool down.
So I usually say, "why don't you take a minute in your room to figure out why you're feeling the way you're feeling, and then we can talk about it?"
This helps him to calm down and also to think about why he feels the way he feels.
MY LIFE JOURNALS are also a great activity to give them when they feel frustrated. It helps them navigate their feelings, and turn their minds to something positive, like what they're grateful for.
You know your kids more than anyone, so before you get into it, make sure they're in the right headspace, and also that YOU are as well.
Nothing good comes of you communicating out of anger.
5. Give them rewards when they follow through on something you asked them to do AND on something you didn't ask them to do.
The most glorious moments in parenting are sometimes as simple as your child doing something you ask them to do every day that they don't normally do.
For me, this was when my son started putting his backpack in the right spot after school.
Instead of throwing it in the middle of the living room, I showed him the place it belongs.
It took him a while to get this down, and sometimes he still forgets. But he knows that if he doesn't put his backpack in the right spot, he's lost 15 min of video game time from the weekend.
But when he DOES it, without me asking him, I reward him.
Make sure you are balancing consequences with rewards. A child who is continually being given consequences with no reward will VERY quickly feel defeated.
I'm not saying you should never give consequences. Just make sure you are also rewarding their good choices and follow through so they will correlate something positive to do it again next time.
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